i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
