Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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