Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
