why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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