11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
