I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
