I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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