before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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