Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize