GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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