So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
