i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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