Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just gift wrapped bread.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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