I looked at my own cervix.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
