Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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