This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I smell like Dick and happiness
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
