He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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