party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
