I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
