new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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