If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
