Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
