Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
