if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
