i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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