she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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