Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
