9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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