yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You were trust falling into bushes
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
