And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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