I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
should my penis look like a turkey
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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