shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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