I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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