what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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