vagina is talking i cant
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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