We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
