next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
