Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
