No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
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