I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
