what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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