The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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