He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So much rum. So many feels.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
