I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
