Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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