I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
