Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
