Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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