Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
