Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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