I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
