The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
