i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
