Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
