I'm so fucking centered right now
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
