you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
