he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
