Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
