she kept yelling 'call me bella'
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
