there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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