Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
