i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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