I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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