ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
