if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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