I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
