is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
