Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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