Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
