i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
