I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
