I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
