Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
MIDGETS
????
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
