so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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