I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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