You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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