It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
